“If you believe that your job is to raise your children so they can leave you, there is only one way to know whether you have done your job: to let them go and watch from a distance as they grow into independence.”
– Dr. Michael Thompson, Homesick and Happy
In our Growing on Their Own series, we are revisiting Dr. Michael Thompson’s book Homesick and Happy, and exploring the effects and importance of children being away from home. We know secure attachment with a primary caregiver is the most important thing for a child. However, as Dr. Thompson so compellingly articulates, the lifelong skills that arise from this bedrock of security do not actually happen in the physical presence of those caregivers. Growth happens away from home, and away from parents. This is where Camp Chippewa is needed: as a place steeped in culture and tradition that delivers the character growth young people need to thrive.
Again and again, we hear from parents that they want their sons to develop independence. They are choosing Chippewa because they want their son to do more than receive coaching, hone a skill, or even have fun this summer. They are looking for the development of meaningful, durable character traits. Traits that will propel their son to greater wellness and greater heights. Traits that will make them compassionate, productive adults. Traits that will enable them to leave. And none of that happens without independence.
In Homesick and Happy, Dr. Thompson compares a child building independence to a high jumper trying to clear a bar. To grow, the child must throw themselves into the leap with momentum, and without hesitation. Many times, they will not jump high enough to clear the obstacle. While this trial-and-error process of growing is happening for the child, the parent—if they want their child to effectively build independence—must simply look on.
“As the parent, you have to watch them do it; you wince when they hit the bar, but you cannot do it for them and, unlike the SATs, you can’t arrange to have a tutor suddenly make it happen. Only the child can [build independence].”
A session at Camp Chippewa is intentionally designed to spur these high jump attempts for growth. Gone are the familiar gutter guards of life at home. Our campers encounter a set of consistent expectations for conduct when they arrive at camp. Each day they will make their bed. They will sweep their area and do their assigned job in the cabin. They will keep track of their possessions. They will get themselves to their five activity periods each day. On their camping trip, they will pull their own weight, stay organized, and contribute to group goals. And the comforts of home—which are crucial in their own ways—are not there to slow them down.
Of course, our campers trip, fall, or simply don’t clear the bar every time. When that happens, counselors are there to support them. Counselors are trained by leading minds in interpersonal neurobiology, passing on our tenets of youth development. Behavior is communication. All discipline is teaching. Outcomes are restorative, not punitive. Expectations are consistent. Adults are secure connections. And within this crucible for growth, campers thrive; they build independence.
Like independence, self-esteem blooms outside of the home. “Self-esteem comes from building skills, not parents supporting self-esteem,” writes Dr. Thompson. At Camp Chippewa, all five activity periods are times when campers receive individual coaching from their counselors. They aim for objective measures in climbing, archery, swimming, and more. All campers will pass a rank during their time at camp, but some ranks will only be earned after years of effort. When a boy’s accomplishment is announced in front of the whole camp during a meal, he stands and swells with pride. Campers build real skills, and durable self-esteem follows.
After attending Camp Chippewa in 2024, 93% of campers are more willing to try something again even though it was hard, and 94% feel more able to do challenging things. In addition, 100% of campers reported needing less help from adults, being able to take care of themselves, and making decisions without adults after just four weeks at camp.
Parents notice the difference when their boys come home. Camp Chippewa builds independence.
